Gwyneth Paltrow has the perfect thing to accompany the Sex Bark that she suggested making for your man...a steaming hot vagina! Paltrow talks about the service, offered at the Tikkun Spa in Los Angeles. The following is posted on Goop:
"The real golden ticket here is the Mugworth V-Steam: You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels. If you’re in LA, you have to do it."
I think I'll pass. Perhaps Paltrow hasn't heard, but the "V" is self-cleaning. Which begs the question, what is going on that she feels the need to get the carpet steamed?
Shoving steam into your private parts...great plan.
ReplyDeleteIf Paltrow wants to keep her vagina squeaky clean with this treatment, let her. My suggestion would be for her to use Massengill and direct the savings into funding a personality transplant.
For real? A new fancy steam cleaning. Good god, what will the crazies think of next. My ute is just fine thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteAt this point, is she just spouting these crazy ass ideas for clicks?
ReplyDeleteWhat, or who, on earth has she been doing that would require steam cleaning? Sadly, there are stupid girls who adore her and will try this at home..ouch..
ReplyDeleteShe makes it seem like it's such a trendy LA thing. Goop, always on the cutting edge of the newest shit you haven't heard of.
ReplyDeleteIdk that she doesnt do this on purpose- spouting off idiocy to get a reaction. Even sadder if she's sincere.
ReplyDeleteAs Cheese pointed out real Dr.'s are totally debunking the ability to steam clean your uterus without a nozzle shoved up in your business not to mention the hazard of doing so. If she doesn't apologize for her irresponsibility of this we'll know she's got something wrong with her mentally.
ReplyDeleteI'd say she should stick to acting, but after the reviews she got for Mortdecai, and cringing through her as Pepper Potts...yeah. Call it a day, Gwynnie.
ReplyDeleteOh and I'm sure Goopy has hardwood floors. No icky carpet for her. Or did she talk about her 70's bush?
ReplyDeleteHey, I was going to say that, damn it! *pretends to pout* Herbal steams are nothing new--St. Hildegarde von Bingen was recommending them back in the Middle Ages for all kinds of ailments, including suppressed menstruation, but her approach was to take a regular steam bath w/herbs steeped in the hot water, and then put the previously-used herbs (after letting them cool slightly) on the bench and then sitting on them while taking the steam (which probably made sitting on a stone bench a little less cold and uncomfortable), so if Gwynnie things she's found something cutting edge, she's sadly mistaken. (I always knew being a medievalist would come in handy some day, but I never anticipated it would be in a discussion of Gyneth Paltrow steam-cleaning her snatch...) Hildegarde's idea, though, is pretty much just kicking up a regular steam bath a notch, and isn't any worse than, say, making a poultice out of herbs, etc. to be applied externally w/the idea of absorbing the healing ingredients through the skin, as opposed to fanning hot air up your hoohoo, which can't possibly be good for you. (As for what she's been doing that she needs to go this far, well, I think that's in the Wine and Sass BI, eh?...)
DeleteHow the hell does "mugwort steam" reach your uterus by sitting on what sounds like a fancy bidet?
ReplyDeleteDoes she not realize what a silly twat she sounds like?
Ahh Goopy.Shall I compare thee to a summers day?
ReplyDeleteI wonder how hard it is for her to be this idiotic? Or is it super easy?
ReplyDeleteWhat does she have up in there that she feels she needs to steam out?
ReplyDeleteJust when I think she couldn't get any further up her own ass, or V in this case, she finds a way. Gwen please STFU. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteTHIS is what Chris Rock meant when he opined on 'white people problems'.
ReplyDeleteAn unsteamed vagina? Wow. Not a lot going on in her day.
Goop never disappoints, she even uses Harry Potter herbs on her cootch.
ReplyDeleteShe must be really bad, and dry.
ReplyDeleteI wrote about this in the blind item thread before getting to this one. But I had this treatment done 5 years ago at a korean spa. It was sold to me as something to help tighten up the vagina, and my girlfriends and I did it on a lark. We still laugh hysterically about it. Of course, I didn't pay an outrageous Goopster price for it.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone is missing the true thread of this story:
ReplyDelete"You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne"
I'm surprised she'd accept a mini throne when she is clearly meant for a life sized one.
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ReplyDeleteWhat's really sad is the Kartrashians already did this on TV, which makes her more than a little late to this ridiculous party.
ReplyDeleteGoopy would do anything as long as you told her it was organic and expensive. You could tell her to slather crushed up red ants all over her lips and she'd do it.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm starting to think that at this point, Goop is just yanking everyone's chain!! Can she really and truly be this out of touch with the real world??
ReplyDeleteShe needs to get that brain steamed and lobotomized.
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