Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Lance Armstrong Still A Liar, Hits 2 Cars

TMZ reports that a drunk Lance Armstrong hit two parked cars in Aspen over the holidays, and in a move totally unlike him, lied about it to authorities! Armstrong tried to make his girlfriend Anna Hansen take the fall. Here's a rundown of how her story unraveled upon repeated questioning:

Yes, I totally drove into two parked cars on the way home that night! Oopsies! I drove all the way home from the party, because Lance Armstrong was drunk off his ass. Oh, the valet guy clearly remembers Lance getting into the driver's seat? Oh yeah! That's because we pulled over and had a Chinese fire drill before I decided to hit some parked cars on the way home. Just kidding! It was Lance driving the whole time. But remember when I told you he was drunk? I meant to say that he was totes sobes!

Lance Armstrong is due in court on March 17th to face charges; he received two citations from the incident. You stay classy, Lance!

17 comments:

  1. He's like a sociopath with the lying and complete distegard for society's mores. I feel sorry for his kids and i dont know how he keeps getting women. He isnt good looking and certainly not warm and fuzzy, and he rides a bike for a living, and cheated doing it too. Ugh

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  2. After throwing her under the bus, is she still with him?

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  3. Lance Armstrong lies, the Patriots cheat, and water is wet.

    Details at 11:00.

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    1. Omg..next you'll be saying there's gambling in Casablanca!

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  4. He is showing himself to be morally bankrupt and without honor.

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  5. May he continue his decline and the day comes when a bike is his only mode of transportation.

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  6. Calif- sheriyl dud dodge bullet, but she stayed with that pos even after she knew he was juicing, lying about it and suing people who rightfully accused him of doing so. So i dont think much of her.

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  7. Clearly auntliddy she doesn't think much of herself to stay with him.

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  8. I bet he'd give his left nut to make these charges go away. :P

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  9. Throwing the mother of one of your children under the bus??? Stay classy Lance.

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  10. Why is anyone shocked about this? I doubt many high profile celebs would do much different if they found themselves in this position. There are Lance Armstrongs, Tiger Woods, Paris Hiltons and Lindsey Lohans everywhere. He just got caught. Hey Lance, I hear London calling you!

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