There's always the classic, "Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants!"
But my fave is from Mae West, and only works on men of a certain height: You: How tall are you? Guy: Five foot nine You: Never mind the five feet. Let's talk about the nine inches!
"Fat penguin--there, I broke the ice." And the classic: "You look like my 2nd wife--but I've only been married once." (Both made me laugh, which is never a bad first impression.)
The one that worked for me? Future Mr Haven (admired by moi for a long time from afar) was at the end of the bar whilst i was on an awkward date with this dude my (ex) friend gave my number to. I saw Big Red and hirsute and asked "Have you heard of a band named Turbonegro? He excitedly leapt off his bar stool and yelled (drunkenly) "I'm the president of the Turbojugend (fan club)! Nine years later, still madly in love.
You know what the best approach is from this female's perspective, not using a line at all or Would you like to dance? If you are not stumbling down drunk or worse ready to puke drunk or look like a serial killer, you're good.
Here is the weirdest message I've ever gotten from a guy on social media: "Holy shit. I want to love you like a lollipop and I don't have a girlfriend and she's definitely not your page... So yeah, how about I play the violin while balancing upside down on my nose and looking up your skirt while simultaneously professing my love for.... fuck me over like a dill motherfuckin pickle goddamnit. Please add me. I'll eat your pussy for as long as you want and I fuck even harder and please, don't send me a message telling me about how none of this made any sense and that half of it was incomprehensible because I don't care. I just want to love..... --Jason."
Here is another gem that was sent to my friend on a dating website: "You're so adorable it's fucking sickening. You know what, I want to adopt you. You're my new little sister. I'm going to wrap you in a bubble wrap envelope and ship you to L.A. with me. And on the way you can pop all the little bubbles for your amusement. And then when you get there I'm going to open you up, and then you'll emerge forth like a beautiful butterfly or some shit. Then, we'll go shopping on Rodeo Drive arm in arm and every girl will be jealous of you! What's your name? Do you text & what's your number?" *shudders*
Oh Lady H. Such princes amongst men. Where is this site? I'm feeling unfulfilled all of a sudden (gag). Do they realise most of the male populace do not have your number? You soooooo deserve someone who is not a bell end. (Oh, & thanks for liking our story! I kinda took a leap cos he was wearing an Iggy and the Stooges t shirt. Music brought us together and is still our greatest shared love. That, & fart jokes).
The one the Opster used on me was, want to go pick out some music on the jukebox? It was so transparent but I had recently broken an engagement with loser who just stomped on my heart so it was so sweet. AND my first thoughts were, "Dayum! He's the best looking man I have seen in a long time."
The funniest one to me is "How do you like your eggs? Over easy or fertilized?"
Ew! @ the eggs line (HIGH-larious), & that's a rad lurve story! I love hearing how people hooked up. I heard the worst pick up lines, & then in the end, i had to be the instigator. It worked! He farted 3 times on our first date, & wore his most offensive t-shirt (me: "rad t-shirt"). Then i got the hiccups. Was bending over to drink upside down to get rid of em, & he lifted my skirt. Such a genital. I mean gentleman.
As a woman, you cant miss with I dreamt about you last night.
ReplyDeletewink wink
ReplyDeleteThere's always the classic, "Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants!"
ReplyDeleteBut my fave is from Mae West, and only works on men of a certain height:
You: How tall are you?
Guy: Five foot nine
You: Never mind the five feet. Let's talk about the nine inches!
God bless Mae West!
DeleteI am presently reading a bio on Mae West. She was an amazing business woman.
DeleteBeam in on me Baby
ReplyDeleteAnd we'll beam together.
I know we've always been together
But there's more.
A friend of mine used this one years ago, and it still cracks me up:
ReplyDelete"Baby, I'm just like a blizzard. You get ten inches, and you don't leave the house for three days."
LOL @Bally...where do I sign up?!
Delete@Bally & @Lady H: You both win teh interwebz today! LMAO!
Delete"Fat penguin--there, I broke the ice."
ReplyDeleteAnd the classic:
"You look like my 2nd wife--but I've only been married once."
(Both made me laugh, which is never a bad first impression.)
Say baby, can I buy all of your drinks all night long and then not pressure you to maintain contact at the end of the night?
ReplyDelete#inmydreams
Ok, memorable one?
ReplyDeleteDo you have italian in you?
(Me : ah, no.).
Would you like some?
The one that worked for me?
ReplyDeleteFuture Mr Haven (admired by moi for a long time from afar) was at the end of the bar whilst i was on an awkward date with this dude my (ex) friend gave my number to.
I saw Big Red and hirsute and asked "Have you heard of a band named Turbonegro?
He excitedly leapt off his bar stool and yelled (drunkenly) "I'm the president of the Turbojugend (fan club)! Nine years later, still madly in love.
Awesome story Bee!!
DeleteYou know what the best approach is from this female's perspective, not using a line at all or Would you like to dance? If you are not stumbling down drunk or worse ready to puke drunk or look like a serial killer, you're good.
ReplyDeleteAwesome story @Bee Haven.
ReplyDeleteHere is the weirdest message I've ever gotten from a guy on social media:
"Holy shit. I want to love you like a lollipop and I don't have a girlfriend and she's definitely not your page... So yeah, how about I play the violin while balancing upside down on my nose and looking up your skirt while simultaneously professing my love for.... fuck me over like a dill motherfuckin pickle goddamnit. Please add me. I'll eat your pussy for as long as you want and I fuck even harder and please, don't send me a message telling me about how none of this made any sense and that half of it was incomprehensible because I don't care. I just want to love.....
--Jason."
Here is another gem that was sent to my friend on a dating website:
"You're so adorable it's fucking sickening. You know what, I want to adopt you. You're my new little sister. I'm going to wrap you in a bubble wrap envelope and ship you to L.A. with me. And on the way you can pop all the little bubbles for your amusement. And then when you get there I'm going to open you up, and then you'll emerge forth like a beautiful butterfly or some shit. Then, we'll go shopping on Rodeo Drive arm in arm and every girl will be jealous of you! What's your name? Do you text & what's your number?" *shudders*
Lady- amazingly, supersonically creepy!! Ugh.
DeleteOh Lady H. Such princes amongst men. Where is this site? I'm feeling unfulfilled all of a sudden (gag).
DeleteDo they realise most of the male populace do not have your number? You soooooo deserve someone who is not a bell end.
(Oh, & thanks for liking our story! I kinda took a leap cos he was wearing an Iggy and the Stooges t shirt. Music brought us together and is still our greatest shared love. That, & fart jokes).
I know it's juvenile but farts are funny.
ReplyDeleteThe one the Opster used on me was, want to go pick out some music on the jukebox? It was so transparent but I had recently broken an engagement with loser who just stomped on my heart so it was so sweet. AND my first thoughts were, "Dayum! He's the best looking man I have seen in a long time."
The funniest one to me is "How do you like your eggs? Over easy or fertilized?"
Ew! @ the eggs line (HIGH-larious), & that's a rad lurve story! I love hearing how people hooked up. I heard the worst pick up lines, & then in the end, i had to be the instigator. It worked! He farted 3 times on our first date, & wore his most offensive t-shirt (me: "rad t-shirt"). Then i got the hiccups. Was bending over to drink upside down to get rid of em, & he lifted my skirt. Such a genital. I mean gentleman.
DeleteI don't entertain men who use pick up lines. I will actually walk away mid-sentence. What's wrong with a simple "Hello"?
ReplyDelete