Thursday, December 8, 2016

The Onion King Needs To Get A Fucking Hobby

Us Weekly reports that Onion King Nick Loeb has found a new way to torture ex Sofia Vergara. He orchestrated a "right to live" lawsuit on behalf of the embryos to be filed in Louisiana on Tuesday. You know, pretty much the exact same lawsuit that he already lost in California, but shopped around until he found a state whose reproductive rights are archaic enough for this to work. Vergara's lawyer released the following statement:

"Next week the judge presiding over the case was to rule on Ms. Vergara’s request for sanctions against Mr. Loeb for refusing to comply with a court order, and on her motion for summary judgment-seeking dismissal of the case he filed against her, attempting to get control of pre-embryos that he created with Vergara. That genetic material was created pursuant to a written agreement that required both parties written consent to attempt to create a pregnancy. … Reports are out that Mr. Loeb has caused a lawsuit to be filed on behalf of the pre-embryos in Louisiana, essentially trying to get the same relief that he was trying to get through his failed legal attempt in California.

The media reports contend that Mr. Loeb has caused a lawsuit to be initiated claiming that the pre-embryos – which are not embryos, but rather frozen fertilized ova, have been given names by him and have a right to live. [This lawsuit will] result in failure, [Vergara is] happily married, [and should be spared] another unnecessary legal battle.” 

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