Goop's Newest Cleanse Will Make You Want To Cut A Bitch

Every January, Gwyneth Paltrow likes to try out a fun new cleanse. This year's comes courtesy of Pacific Palisades spa Surya, and it is especially torturous. Here are the rules, courtesy of Goop:

"As always, the rules are straightforward, but a little rough (particularly when it comes to coffee and booze). No gluten, dairy, corn, soy, caffeine, alcohol, added sugar, red meat, shellfish, white rice, or nightshades (tomatoes, eggplant, peppers, potatoes). Once you get through the first few days of caffeine withdrawal (some people might experience dry heaving—if this is you, see Dr. Junger’s piece on adrenal fatigue), sticking to the meal plan won’t make you feel like you’re depriving yourself of anything. If you can’t cook, it’s easy to make a clean meal at any salad bar: Focus on whole veggies, lean proteins, and a dressing like olive oil and lemon."

And what is a sample day like on this cleanse?

"DAY 3:

First Thing: Surya Spa Detox Tea

Breakfast: GP’s Morning “Smoothie”

Lunch: Chickpea & Kale Curry with Brown Rice

Snack: Crudités with Leftover Cilantro Cashew Dressing

Dinner: Detox Hot & Sour Soup"

Yep, this cleanse will definitely make you cut a bitch.