Instagram Pic of the Day 7/31/15

CONGRATULATIONS, THE WORLD! You've made me more angry than I have ever dreamed of becoming! One quick question... Is this a fuckin hat? Because the shit LOOKS like something you'd bounce light off of to make you look pretty as shit when you do a photo shoot. So why's it on this woman's head? Let me just say this in a very succinct way - you cannot wear this. I don't give a shit if it's "fashionable". What if you have to run from a villain? That motherfucker's coming off and now you lost your hat. The only reason to have something like this on your head is this - Say everywhere you go, people throw bowls of pasta strictly at your head (and nowhere else on you) and it gets all in your hair and shit. This would be a great way to have the pasta hit your shit hat and just roll down the side missing your face completely. In fact, it wouldn't even hit your outfit AT ALL because the hat is wider than the Salt Flats in Utah. So you can basically have motherfuckers throw pasta at your face all day long and can just be like "Fuck you haters I'm still getting to the racetracks sauce free in this bitch." But man the SIZE of this shit is so disrespectful. What if you were on a train? Or in a crowded place? People would be hitting the side of their faces against the edge of the hat. If that happened to me I would absolutely pee on this person and when she looked at me I'd be like "The hat hit the side of my face so I had to do that shit to make it even." Then another guy on the train would probably go "You know, he's right." But straight up, the thing that makes me the MOST angry about this picture? The girls face, man. It's like she's looking at us like wearing that hat isn't that big of a deal... like it doesn't mean anything... She's looking at us like if we make eye contact with her the FIRST thing we would think would NOT be "Oh shit. Well, of course fuck you." But that is what we think. That's what everyone thinks when they see someone with this on their head. The president would think that shit. Swear to god. Jesus Christ would even see her and be like "You took too many liberties and now I gotta make your life shorter." This fuckin HAT, man 👒🚫

A photo posted by Chris D'Elia (@chrisdelia) on Jul 30, 2015 at 11:23am PDT