Friday, April 28, 2017

Patton Oswalt Talk Grief, One Year Later

Patton Oswalt recently penned an update on his Facebook page about his grieving process after losing wife Michelle McNamara last April. Here is an excerpt:

"It's awful, but it's not fatal.

That's the dispatch I'm sending back from exactly one year into this shadow-slog. A year ago today -- an hour from now, I'm just realizing -- I came back from dropping Alice off at school. I'd let Michelle sleep in. Got our daughter dressed and ready for school -- lunch packed, class folder in her backpack. I stopped on the way home to buy Michelle an Americano and left it on her bedside table around 9:30am. Went up to my office, did some writing, answered some e-mails, Tweeted some thoughts on Prince dying. There was an art show at Alice's school in the afternoon and my wife and I were going to go, get dragged around the room by Alice as she chattered about her artwork and the work of her classmates. Except instead I came back down into the house and the life i knew was gone.

I'm one year into this new life -- one I never even imagined, and I can imagine some pretty pessimistic and dark contingencies, some stomach-freezing "what ifs." But not this one. This one had such a flat, un-poetic immediacy. The world gazes at you like a hungry but indifferent reptile when you're widowed.

Last night I took off my wedding ring. I couldn't bear removing it since April 21st, 2016. But now it felt obscene. That anonymous poem about the man mourning his dead lover for a year and a day, for craving a kiss from her "clay cold lips." I was inviting more darkness. Removing the ring was removing the last symbol of denial of who I was now, and what my life is, and what my responsibilities are.

But it's not fatal."

Read the full post at Facebook.

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