Sarah Silverman recently sat down for an interview with Glamour, where she talked about struggling with anxiety and depression. The magazine quotes her as follows:
"I first experienced depression when I was 13. I was walking off a bus from a school camping trip. The trip had been miserable: I was, sadly, a bed wetter, and I had Pampers hidden in my sleeping bag—a gigantic and shameful secret to carry. My mom was there to pick me up, and she was taking pictures like a paparazzo. Seeing her made the stress of the last few days hit home, and something shifted inside me. It happened as fast as the sun going behind a cloud. You know how you can be fine one moment, and the next it's, "Oh my God, I fucking have the flu!"? It was like that. Only this flu lasted for three years. My whole perspective changed. I went from being the class clown to not being able to see life in that casual way anymore. I couldn't deal with being with my friends, I didn't go to school for months, and I started having panic attacks. People use "panic attack" very casually out here in Los Angeles, but I don't think most of them really know what it is. Every breath is labored. You are dying. You are going to die. It's terrifying. And then when the attack is over, the depression is still there. Once, my stepdad asked me, "What does it feel like?" And I said, "It feels like I'm desperately homesick, but I'm home."...
Since then I've lived with depression and learned to control it, or at least to ride the waves as best I can. I'm on a small dose of Zoloft, which, combined with therapy, keeps me healthy but still lets me feel highs and lows. The dark years and those ups and downs—chemical and otherwise—have always informed my work; I believe being a comedian is about exposing yourself, warts and all. But my stand-up has evolved along with me, from the dumb, arrogant vessel I used in my Jesus Is Magic live show and The Sarah Silverman Program to my persona in my current show, We Are Miracles, who feels more honest because she's really just me talking."
Read her full essay at Glamour.
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