David Letterman Speaks

David Letterman recently sat down for an interview with Vulture; here are some of the highlights:

Aside from the hunt for viral videos, it seems like late night also had a shift in its style of comedy. It moved away from the irony and sarcasm you were known for and toward something more earnest. I mean, Jay Leno would seem like a smartass now. Did you notice that shift happening?
"No, I didn’t. I was so single-minded in getting through the hour, and sarcasm is so easy. The quote is “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” If you can’t think of something funny, say something sarcastic. That worked and also got me in a lot of trouble. People would accuse me of being mean. Well, yes, sarcasm probably is mean; but on the other hand, I’m just trying to get a laugh, so leave me alone. “Hey, nice shirt” — ha-ha-ha. Big, big laugh: “Nice shirt.” Good night, everybody!"

It’s also interesting how the late-night hosts have gotten softer with their interviews at the same time as they’ve gotten more biting with the news. Is something valuable lost when the discussions between the hosts and guests are always so pleasant?

"Well, at some point publicists took over the talk shows. They were the people that booked the guests, and they had six or seven guests, so you had to be awfully nice to Guest A if you wanted to get to Guest B or C. I was not aware that this was going on until people started saying, “So-and-so is not going to be back on the show if you don’t be nice to so-and-so.” And I said, “What do we care?” And they’d say, “Well, because they also manage so-and-so and so-and-so’s sister, and we want those people on the show.” I realized not early into it that we were a tool for the careers of other people, which mediates what you’re going to talk about: In 2015, Ford broke his pelvis in an emergency plane landing at an L.A. golf course. In February, he accidentally landed on an airport taxiway in Orange County. “I’m Harrison Ford, and I can’t talk about landing a plane on a golf course.” I’m not saying it even makes the show worse. I can remember having a conversation via the sales department about Tylenol, and we had Bill O’Reilly on the show, and we were talking about something in the news, not particularly unpleasant but just something in the news. Tylenol called up and said, “You know what? We’re just going to lay out tonight. We’ll be back.” And rightly so. If you want to see adversarial conversation, you have cable-news channels all day long."

Were there ever instances where you thought, Maybe I was too hard on that person?
"Oh, yeah. I always felt like, We got 500 people in the audience and it’s my responsibility to get a laugh. Many times, the laugh would come at the expense of the guest. I regret that now, but at the time you think, I’ve got to do anything to keep my head above water. So it’s “Hey, nice shirt.” And then it’s “Oh, my mother made this shirt — how could you have said that?”"

Your interview with After violating her probation for a DUI, Hilton was incarcerated for 23 days in June 2007. Paris Hilton was famously rough.
"I remember that. She went to jail and had a sandwich or whatever she did there and then came home. I was fascinated by this. And the poor woman said to me, “I don’t want to talk about being in jail.” I felt like I could circumnavigate that. I said, “Well, that’s all I want to talk about.” If you had a chance to talk to Paris Hilton in those days, you just kind of want to talk about, “Well, no, seriously, you were in jail.” But that upset her and she cried and I called her and apologized. I think I bought her a car, too. As the guy operating the machinery sometimes, it was “You’re going a little fast here, pal.” It was easy to overdo it."

As a stunt for his fake documentary I’m Still Here, Phoenix mumbled through his 2009 Late Show appearance. Letterman: “What can you tell us about your days with the Unabomber?” Joaquin Phoenix is another one you wouldn’t let off the hook.
"I mean, he came out begging to be beat up. How can you not take a couple of swings?"

The line you had at the end of that interview was perfect: “I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight.”

"Is it sexist of me to make this observation? You have Paris Hilton, who is beautiful and kind and introverted, versus Joaquin Phoenix, who comes out in a Halloween costume. So you can say that line to him. I don’t know that you can say it to her. Anyway, I ought to be in prison as a result of this conversation I’m having with you right now."

Read the full (and much more political) interview at Vulture.