My wife from upstairs: you better not be watching the wire again.— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) May 14, 2020
Me: Nah
Wife: good It turns u into the most annoying person ever. How was ur slow pitch game?
Me: The game is the game. Same as it ever was
Wife:
Me:
Wife: GODDAMNIT I’M GOING TO KILL Y-
Me: Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit
Me: “Whatever, I’m not getting a plant just to please @ratemyskyperoom.”— S.E. Cupp (@secupp) May 14, 2020
Me, a week later: pic.twitter.com/bKIzzydWOb
(Michael Bolton “How Can We Be Lovers” voice— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) May 14, 2020
🎶HOW CAN I BE HUNGRY IF I JUST ATE LUNCH🎶
WITHNAIL & Isolation country walk quote for the day pic.twitter.com/alhcISu2jK— Richard E. Grant (@RichardEGrant) May 14, 2020
Jeff Bezos is about to become the world’s first trillionaire while we’re about to enter a depression pic.twitter.com/901vsfmD5p— Thomas Moore (@Thomas_A_Moore) May 14, 2020
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