I vacillate between being super excited to “do things and go places” and being exhausted by the mere idea of it.
— Molly Jong-Fast🏡 (@MollyJongFast) March 30, 2021
I’m scared to date a fit dude. I don’t want to drink my breakfast. And what if he wears sleeveless hoodies?
— Certified Lover Girl (@PersnicketyK) March 30, 2021
“Dad isn’t it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?”
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 29, 2021
- my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization
“Were you a CONTAINER ship or were you a CONTAINED ship?” pic.twitter.com/hlmjmRPpFt
— Suez Orman (@sweetlikeJT) March 30, 2021
Canceling a gym membership is like tryna get out of the cartel
— StunnaMan (@agentpheee) March 30, 2021
Me: I need to go to the doctor. How much will that cost?
— Brittany Van Horne (@_brittanyv) March 30, 2021
My insurance: If it's a doctor that you seek to see, answer my here riddles three / Go to the wrong one and in debt you'll be / But which one is right? You won't hear from me
jigsaw wouldnt scare me either. cus i’ll just die. thts fine. im not doing your lil pranks
— Your OG 🐩 (@LRNROSE) March 30, 2021
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