I’m going to raise my kids traditionally.
— Grace Christmas 🎄☃️🎄 (@GraceGThomas) November 28, 2020
The oldest will be an inventor.
The middle child will love to read.
And the youngest will be a great at biting.
My dog figured out the new car has heated seats pic.twitter.com/0FGykFCWq4
— Jay Willis (@jaywillis) November 29, 2020
I've shoveled my car out of a snowbank. I used to go outside for recess all winter in Minnesota. And once, due to some peer pressure, I even jumped into an otherwise frozen lake. But tonight? It's 55 degrees in Los Angeles and I'm convinced it's the coldest I've ever been.
— Emily Schmidt (@emilyrschmidt) November 28, 2020
i don’t believe that st louis is real pic.twitter.com/QIsJemRb6F
— غارفيلد (@yungdialectic) November 28, 2020
Male authors trying to show a woman at rock bottom: pic.twitter.com/YNb9bUO7Qo
— Connieshin (@thatconnieshin) November 28, 2020
Men's midlife crises are intensely boring they just get an expensive bike and marry a 30 year old version of the same wife whereas women do fucken cool stuff like open owl cafes, retrain as beekeepers and get phds in necromancy.
— Helen Kingston (@kingstonwrites) November 28, 2020
megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age and height
— jen (@noidontlikemen) November 27, 2020
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