The old woman I’m cat sitting for has her mugshot framed. What a boss bitch. pic.twitter.com/sja6sF6XpJ— Neanderthot (@smashyouburn) August 31, 2019
I received this sunblock in a gift bag, kept it in my purse and used it allllll summer on my face. A friend who received it in the same gift bag told me it isn’t sunblock, it’s lip balm. Happy Labor Day, I’ll just be over here, wearing a frying pan as a hat. pic.twitter.com/9c7v4O3UZV— Nia Vardalos (@NiaVardalos) August 31, 2019
i want what they have pic.twitter.com/PD9Hvf4CoY— kaleigh (@dykelorswift) August 30, 2019
waiter: would you like a soup or salad?— online moose 🦌 (@tiemoose) September 1, 2019
clark kent: [laughs nervously] a super salad? i'll just have a regular salad please
waiter: alri-
clark kent: [loudly] a regular salad for a regular man
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