First things first: How did you choose Charlie?
It’s actually funny -- it was my ex-boyfriend’s [The Weeknd] doing. We were walking down the street [in New York], and he saw a cute little puppy in the window and walked in. Charlie was in the corner. He had his head down and he just seemed really sad, and I loved him. I find I do that in every situation in life. I find that person -- or dog -- and I’m like, “Yessss. That’s who I want.”
Was the house you grew up in anything like this cottage?
I don’t know if “cottage” would be the right word. There were a lot of Texas accents -- a lot of brown and wood paneling in that house -- and carpet in every room except the kitchen. I can picture it all, the way it smells. I miss it a lot. Miranda Lambert’s song “The House That Built Me” depicts how I feel about that home. My mom was 16 when she had me, so I had a room next to my mom and my grandparents. It was very quaint -- you could take one loop around the house and it took maybe five seconds. Every time I go back to Texas I drive by it, but I don’t have the courage to go up and knock on the door.
You recently said that you don’t want people to feel sad for you over the kidney transplant and lupus -- that those experiences opened up new pathways for you. What has been the most surprising revelation out of all this?
I just kept thinking about how much my body is my own. Ever since I was 7, my life always felt like I was giving it to someone else. I felt really alone even though I had a lot of great people around me. But the decisions I was making, were they ever for me? [After the surgery] I had this sense of gratitude for myself. I don’t think I’ve ever just stopped and been like, “I’m actually grateful for who I am.”
Do you think that with all the demands on you and the toll that stress can take on your health, staying in Los Angeles is sustainable?
No. I won’t be here long-term. And that’s nothing against any of it -- this place has shaped me, and it has pushed me to be aware of all of the choices that I’m making. I spent time this year shooting [Woody Allen’s next movie] in New York. I think being in that movie and just being in New York -- the culture there, just walking around and really engaging with people, which is not that common here -- I feel like it allowed me to be present a little bit more.
Was Woody’s past something you thought about before signing on to the movie?
To be honest, I’m not sure how to answer -- not because I’m trying to back away from it. [The Harvey Weinstein allegations] actually happened right after I had started [on the movie]. They popped up in the midst of it. And that’s something, yes, I had to face and discuss. I stepped back and thought, “Wow, the universe works in interesting ways.”
What has been the best part of being single?
The best part? It’s actually... you know what, though? Something that I’m really proud of is that there’s such a true friendship [between me and The Weeknd]. I truly have never experienced anything like that in my life. We ended it as best friends, and it was genuinely about encouraging and caring [for each other], and that was pretty remarkable for me.
Read the full interview at Billboard.
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