Beauty Tips from Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer is giving you beauty tips in this month's InStyle Magazine. She also made the cover! Here are some highlights from the accompanying interview, which was conducted by Jessica Seinfeld:

Jessica Seinfeld: What is your ideal day of beauty?
Amy Schumer: It’s a new thing, but I like getting facials now at Georgia Louise, and she gives a good massage too. If we’re talking massages or whatever, I’ll do it all day—throw me into some sort of sketchy bathhouse.

JS: Are you into beauty products?
AS: I like the products that I like, but it’s bare-bones. There are things people know about, like La Mer, that I had never heard of until recently. So I don’t know until someone tells me.

JS: Do you have a regimen?
AS: My regimen is I wake up, usually around 8:30, brush my teeth, and splash water on my face. Then I put Kiehl’s eye-something under my eyes, and I blot La Mer so it looks like sunblock. Then I put on deodorant if I remember, which today I did not.

JS: What kind of deodorant?

AS: I use Secret. I tried the natural ones, but my body was just like, “Stop all that. Just die early and don’t smell like a foot.”

JS: What about wellness? I know you like acupuncture.

AS: Oh, yeah, I love wellness. For exercise, I’ll text [actress] Rachel Feinstein and ask her if she wants to go to a Soul­Cycle class. We ride very slowly in the back, but they don’t make us feel bad about that. Afterward, we celebrate the workout with a very long lunch and coffee. We’re like elderly women on the Upper West Side. And then I love to go for a long walk, maybe around the Central Park reservoir.

JS: Do you ever detox?

AS: I just went away with my girls, and it was nonstop every night, so then I didn’t want to do anything for a week. If I have something coming up, I do look better when I’m not getting hammered at night, unfortunately. Before the Golden Globes I didn’t drink for four days, or something like that.

JS: Do you care about food?
AS: Yeah, I care about food a lot.

I have a healthy relationship with food. My problem is as a comic, I eat dinner late. But I’ll have a smoothie for breakfast every morning, and I keep it pretty low-carb and healthy during the day. At night I’ll have a basic protein, quinoa, and vegetables. Then I’ll have another dinner at 2 a.m. or something if I’m out.

JS: What is it about [your boyfriend] Ben that attracted you to him?
AS: His penis. [Laughs] I could see he was kind in a real way. Some guys, they can put up a kind front, and then you find out that they’re sexual deviants, but I—

JS: Hopefully.

AS: God willing. [Laughs] No, and not that he’s not, God bless him. He’s cute. He’s kind.

JS: What I love about you and Ben together is that he is not competing. He just appreciates you so much.
AS: It’s true. And I’ve had a lot of that, you know? Or just people who due to their own insecurity need you to be smaller. I feel like I can shine with him and also be nothing and we’re good. We’ve been together for almost a year and a half, but lately I’ll whisper in his ear, “I’m falling for you.” And he’s just like, “We’ve been together for a while.” [Laughs]

JS: Do you miss being single?
AS: Not ever. Except I need a lot of alone time. Right now I’m getting my period, and I just don’t like him, you know? My PMS is no joke.

JS: It’s crazy, yeah. I’ve seen it firsthand.

AS: And it’s directed only toward him, but instead of being in denial about that, we try to work with it. [Laughs] Tonight’s vibe is “I don’t want you to even look at me or talk to me,” and he will put on his headphones, do work on his computer, and I’m just in the room. He’s understanding. He’s too good about it. It actually annoys me.

Read the full interview at InStyle.

So proud to be on the cover of @instylemagazine! Thank you @laurabrown99 for the opportunity,@carterbedloesmith for confirming I'm a Hadid, @kimmykuppkakes for hair, @andrea_tiller for makeup, @cristinaehrlich for styling @jessseinfeld for interviewing me!

A post shared by @amyschumer on Apr 5, 2017 at 5:31am PDT